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These days everyone is looking for Answers from our political candidates, and though there are answers out there, they aren’t always answers to the questions we’ve asked. Perhaps they are answers to other questions entirely, or questions not even asked yet. This can be frustrating or even dangerous.

Fortunately, there is a new grass roots campaign formed recently that’s turning heads, capturing hearts and burning its Message deep into the soft matter of frontal lobes everywhere. It’s the Chicken Freedom Campaign (CFC). Run by a mysterious figure known only as Zap, the CFC operates its main offices somewhere in Southern California, but offshoot branches are cropping up everywhere across these proud United States. In these difficult and uncertain financial times, it’s refreshing to know there’s a not-for-profit out there that isn’t interested in stealing your hard earned cash, but is interested in using your intelligence to spread the Word.

And what is that Word? Well, in my exclusive interview with Zap, I tried to find out. Read on. (The following interview is posted with the full cooperation of the CFC and was conducted over the phone on 16 September, 2008.)

Scott Otto: Hello, Zap. Nice to finally meet you, over the phone.

Zap: Thanks, Scott, nice to meet you too.

SO: Tell me a little bit about the Chicken Freedom Campaign.

Z: I’m glad to. We formed in June-

SO: June 2008?

Z: Yes, 2008, and we’re, well, we’re really taking off. We have some private funds that run the day-to-day, media relations, public speaking, you know, you have to get the word out somehow, advertisements don’t buy themselves…

SO: Certainly. What’s the message you’re trying to send?

Z: Well, I’ll get to that. Let me tell you about our newsletter, our, you know, we have the “Dark Chicken” album coming out in December-

SO: The “Dark Chicken” album?

Z: We’re starting a label, we have a few big bands, some you’ve heard of, there’s an album coming out with proceeds to benefit our candidate-

SO: And who is your candidate?

Z: We’re supporting the Intelligentsia this year, the RSN members who all-

SO: RSN? I’m sorry, I’m not familiar with-

Z: One second, please.

At this point, the phone was set aside, and all this reporter could hear were unintelligible grunts and muted shouting. After 25 seconds of this, the connection was terminated. Subsequent calls to the CFC headquarters were met with a busy signal.

But this reporter was not dissuaded. Word from the underground posited the CFC as a force to be reckoned with, and so I sought counsel from those on the street. I met with J-Dog, leader of one of the many CFC offshoots, a “street team” if you will. J-Dog was pleasant, elucidatory, forthcoming. He also had nothing but flowery praise for Zap. (The following is a brief snippet of our conversation, recorded in person and with his full knowledge, at Magic Johnson’s Fridays on La Tijera Blvd., 17 September, 2008.)

SO: Thanks for seeing me on such short notice, J-Dog.

J-Dog: Shit, white boy, you best be getting the fuck out my hood.

SO: Excuse me?

J-D: Just joking, yo. Try the fried cheese. It’s the bomb.

SO: What can you tell me about the CFC?

J-D: Yo, Zap is one cool mother, I’ll say that. The CFC is about to blow straight up, and Zap is the man that’s running the plan.

SO: Can you tell me about the RSN?

J-D: Whaffuck you talking bout? I might have to mess up your face.

At this point, several acquaintances of J-Dog rushed our booth and forcibly removed me from the restaurant and onto the sidewalk. Luckily, there was a Metro police unit stationed outside. The officer advised me to “get the hell back to Beverly Hills.”

So while initial exploratory investigations into the CFC are met with understandable resistance, this reporter will not bite back his words. The CFC is here, and they aren’t going away. There’s a campaign coming up this November, and we, the American People, are expected to Participate. Check the streets: it’s real, it’s happening, it’s already in progress. Right Thinking People such as ourselves are needed to foment change.

Check out http://thechickenfreedomcampaign.blogspot.com/ for more info, phone numbers, and to find out what you can do. Thanks for reading. Do your part! This is only the beginning.